We've all been there.
Those days where you wish you weren't so disappointed in everything, but you just can't help the feeling of being let down when you had hoped—from the moment you woke up—that your day was going to be good. In the end, the disappointment, either from others or yourself, will always end up lingering in your mind until you fall asleep. Well, sometimes, that isn't the best way to deal with being let down.
I used to wish I was a better person. Whenever my parents refused to buy something for me that I really felt like I deserved, I felt tears well up in my eyes—not from being let down by them, but from the fact that I was too weak to feel okay after being turned down over something so small. I used to wish I was able to let things go, and stop wishing that the feeling of annoyance would go away. Feeling terrible, not only because what had happened struck me down, was the result of the weakness inside of me that refused to fix itself when I tried so hard to rise above it.
I am not one to tell you that you shouldn't feel upset, heartbroken, or resentful. No one is. You deserve to feel down sometimes because I feel as though we won't get the chance to become better people unless we aren't let down—constantly. However, what we should avoid is hating the world. Screaming and pounding our fists and wishing that the world had tried harder to make us happy so that pain, suffering, and sadness wouldn't seep through the cracks. I find myself doing this on a daily basis when I can't pull out of that slump. Sometimes it lasts a day, a week, or even a month.
When I'm sad, I go straight to my journal or collapse onto the sofa with my dog who rushes to play with me. I feel selfish, unworthy—spoiled even. Why couldn't I have tried harder to be a little stronger?
It's not your fault.
Bad days come and go. There will be those days where you trip and fall, injure yourself, hear rash comments from others, and feel utterly disappointed. Sometimes, these things can happen all in one day. Sometimes, you may want to just end the day right where you are—crawl into your bed and forget that life even exists. I understand. I bet a lot of other people do too.
I'm writing to you who is reading right now, to tell you that it isn't your fault—at all. If you feel annoyed, misunderstood, or depressed, it's not your fault. You've done the best you could—even if you don't feel like you have. Bad days are bad days, my friend.
And the only way to cope with them is to stop worrying about what could've gone better, and hope that once the pain hits you again, you have grown to step above it—even if it's just a little bit. I know there are people who will believe you are entirely capable of doing so.