Feeling Unworthy

To be completely honest, I blanked out before writing this post for the week. These first three weeks of in-person learning came with a whirlwind of emotions, and I felt disconnected with the enthusiasm I had every week to reach out to you readers.

My luck with relationships at school turned out to be more challenging to sustain in this school. Everyone is different from me; their interests, ways of speaking, and personalities don't connect with the student I am. The small number of twelve first-year students in the media discipline all seem to click with each other, but still, I spend time alone at my desk collaging or working on assignments. I'm not yet there where I'm comfortable enough to share a laugh, introduce myself, or have a conversation with the people I'll know for four years.

Loneliness isn't always the fault of the people surrounding me. In truth, it's rarely ever that way. I owe it to myself to be more open-minded; it's not anyone's doing that I feel excluded, isolated, and afraid. The social gear in my brain hasn't yet begun to turn, and as slow as I try to reach out to others, unworthiness isn't an option.

Tempting, it is, but I'm not going to get anywhere in the next four years if it consumes me. So let this be a message to you if you ever feel the same way.

-Chloe